Ok, so I haven't blogged in a while. Well I've been struggling alot with this whole death to flesh thing and trying to figure out why I keep failing at it. Day after day, week after week and month after month. I give myself to God and nothing changes.
I had been working out consistently 5-6 days a week and guess what? Yup you got it, I lost not a thing. I thought I had because my clothing fit better but it was just inches. I called myself being super disciplined not through the Holy Spirit or God but just me. Last night I cried out to the Lord and I told him I am at my bottom. I have tried to mortify my flesh time and time again to no avail. He humored me as He does so many times. I continued to tell Him how I love Him and I had been trying my best to lay down my life for Him-LOL. Can you imagine me laying down my life for Him? What a joke that was! Does He need a savior? Does Jesus need me to give my life for Him or mankind? NOOOOOO! Who do I think I am? Hmmmmm?
So anyway, God spend some time speaking to me-or should I say I spent some time listening to Him for once and He said why are you dying for Me? I died for you. Life for Me! I was like HUH??? What do you mean live? I been trying to die!!! Death to me! I must kill off every part of me which isn't like you Lord. You have to realize I had to tell God what needed to be done...NOT! What was I thinking? I am still not sure. He then broke it down to me- I died already. I am positionally saved and progressively developing therefore I am to live for Him. Live to righteousness, to truth and grieve not the spirit.
God told me who I am in Him and that the key was to live not just die. My death will be painful but doesn't have to be dreaded. It's growth and pleasing God by being obedient and putting Him first not making a list of do's and donts. I still cant believe I believe I fell for that lie...SMH. Satan had me thinking I had to do all the work. I believed this and it has stunted my growth. BUT IT'S ON NOW!! THE TRUTH HAS SET ME FREE!!
