MOTIVES

Been sick and haven't gotten around to blogging...

Been thinking about my motives for the things I do and choices I make. I was reading something a friend posted about how they were always being used for having such a big heart. Truth is giving too much of yourself to the point where you are complaining is a selfish thing. Its all about motives. What are my motives when I spend too much or give too much--I want to feel better or good about myself.

Right now I am in the process of examining myself and I realize that even in doing good my motives come into question. Dying to self is about knowing who I am..really knowing. Figuring out why I think and do the things I do. Only God is good so in order to do a good thing it has to originate from God, whether by His spirit or by imitating Him. That's why even a great philanthropist like Oprah will not find herself in heaven if she doesn't submit to Jesus and stop believing every new "spiritual idea" that comes across her desk.

Since Bishop died I am learning a lot about true motives. I don't want to deceive myself into believing I have arrived further in this walk with Christ than I actually have. I am learning how narrow the way really is..and that there are many people who will not make it to the end of the road BUT have fooled themselves into believing they will. If we don't do what God's Word says we are not of Him. There can be no acceptance of salvation without transformation.

I see a lot of self deception and selfish motives. This is the time of year to when we have a chance to take some time and think about who we really are and why we want certain things or choose them. I want my motives to be pure and upright. I am afraid for Christianity and the lies we've chosen to believe about ourselves. The conscious decisions not to follow the Word or listen to the Holy Spirit, putting our trust in man not Jesus. It seems we've forgotten that we were shapen in iniquity and until regeneration occurs our very nature is sin. How can we think its so easy not to be fooled?

Eve was fooled and she not only was perfect..she walked with God. She knew Him in a way we can't even begin to imagine. However Satan was subtle enough to cause her to question what she already knew to be truth. She had to have some great level of intelligence because God is all knowing and He created her in his image, so for us to live as if we are smarter than her is preposterous. We have to be even more on guard.

This year I am going to examine, crucify, mortify and make my calling sure. I am determined to make it to heaven and see Jesus. I am also determined to please my God. To live a life which glorifies Him, even when it means revealing sin or bad motives in myself. Eve's motives were selfish and proud, she wanted to live forever and have the same knowledge as God. We all betta check ourselves before we wreck ourselves....

UMMMMMMM

Ok I typed an entire post and lost it..soooo..I will have to try again tomorrow..Help me Jesus!

UMMMMMM

OK so I haven't killed a single cell this week. Then again I have a killed a few...very few. Although I haven't read or prayedas much as I "planned". This will be a better week. I did consciously make some decisions to guard my thoughts and eyes- unless I count those few when I stared into Paul Newman's eyes about an hour ago. There is a picture of him in the Sunday paper when he was much younger. He was a gorgeous man. I stared into his baby blues and finally put the paper down and stopped lusting. One small step in the death process...But one giant leap in obedience to the Word of God. This will be a better week.

I didn't mention this before but I lost my pastor this year. He was 86 years old and suffering from bladder cancer. His wife and I were talking today and she said something which caused my imagination to go into overdrive and I began meditating on how resistant we are to being molded by the Master Sculptor. We talked about how it seems like since my pastor died our church's atmosphere has changed so much, its as if we've become a group of people who were left behind after the rapture. I ran with that thought. I said yes, there is this underlying weird sort of evil or perversion of the gospel going on. We talk christianese, we talk about the bible and we Amen all day about everything that comes across the pulpit. However we dont live it. Are we of the Antichrist or Christ the King? I hear preaching about dying to self, suffering, praising God and repentance but our behavior is completely the opposite. We are gossiping, accusing one another of wrongdoings, harboring unforgiveness and being dishonest to one another in general. We have taken the Wisdom of God and exchanged it for our own reasoning's and logic. Basically taken down God as God and replaced Him with ourselves. This will be a better week.

This is why I have to have a better week in Death and Life in Christ. I don't want to be this way. I want to life free. Free from hate and anger, free from gossip and accusations. Free to love people and be vulnerable and leave my destiny in the hands of Jesus. Jesus came to free me..us..but we chose bondage to Satan and ourselves. So sick of it!! Oh not in YOU...lol..in ME. You can work out your own salvation. I want to be able to love you in spite of your behavior towards me.

I lay down my life again. This week I am gonna try real, real, real hard not to pick it up again. Pray for me.... This will be a better week.

A call to Die

My sister thought it would be a good idea for me to blog to share some teaching and insights into the bible and spiritual things. I thought about it and I would like to share with you my death.....not my physical death but the death of my selfishness, vain ways and ambitions. I decided to die..yup die. It's time to stop being afraid of where God iz gonna take me and get on board for the ride.

I started a devotional ...super painful..more than that freakin' excruciating pain.. called- oddly enough-CALL TO DIE. It was written by David Nasser whom I had never heard of. I was looking for a devotional book because I knew God was urging me to lay down my life for my friends. The friends I have and the ones I am gonna make. He is calling me to sell out for Him and become a bondwoman for the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

So as I am perusing the iternet for this "life changing" devotional- I come across the Nasser book. I order it, it gets lost in the mail and of course they sent me another. And people think God doesnt have a sense of humor..are you kidding me? As I read the intro I thought,"Is this dude for real?". Even in the introduction Nasser lets me know I am going to have to lay down some carnal, selfish ways and really consider my half hearted walk with Christ. So I put the book away for 2 months..LOL. However I am dealing with God..Hello..the Creator of the universe, Sustainer of everything who thought it not robbery to come down to earth in human form and die for my-your-sins. So I had to pick it up and begin this journey. The kind of journey that causes me deep godly sorrow and joy. The kind that causes me to consider my God and not myself.

Anyway, I would like to share this journey of joy and pain, laughter and tears with anyone wants to read it. I have decided to really give my life to God and stop taking it back..Pray for me...